pstlyfdiva's Diaryland Diary

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The Big 3-0

12 hours and 19 minutes and 59 seconds
12 hours and 19 minutes and 58 seconds
12 hours and 19 minutes and 57 seconds
12 hours and 19 minutes and 56 seconds
12 hours and 19 minutes and 55 seconds
12 hours and 19 minutes and 54 seconds
12 hours and 19 minutes and 53 seconds

I am watching the countdown on my twenties. A wee bit over half a day until I hit the big 3-0. I am not liking this.

A year ago I would have told you that I had no problem whatsoever turning 30.
At Thanksgiving Miss C, my sister (who is over 30) and I talked about turning 30. Miss C was having a minor freak out as her 30th birthday was just weeks away. I soothed her about it, told her that there was no reason that 30 was any different than 29.
After Christmas I told someone I was almost 30 and it hit me. I was about to hit the three decade mark. I had a sudden vague discomfort. Still I was not truly worried about it.
Early this week it settled in. I will be 30 tomorrow.

I don’t know if it is so much about the number itself, as I really thought I would have some major issues resolved by now: debt, my mother, house things. Granted we have made strides in being responsible home owners in the last month, but those things are the easy things in comparison to debt and my mother.

One issue begets another. Debt…kids…we want to be out of debt before we have kids. With me turning 30 there is more urgency to a debt plan. My uterus won’t wait around for us to get our finances in order “one day.” Getting out of debt doesn’t happen over night, it takes time. Time is more precious now. (Of course I am the older one by 4 years and the one that is planning on giving birth.)

My mother…the wedding…my mother needs to come around so that she may share in my wedding. Also, so she can be a grandmother to the babies I was talking about. So many reasons…too little space.

C has school until 10pm tomorrow. I have no plans for my birthday itself – work and watching a movie are the highlights. Poor pitiful me. I know I am throwing myself a pity party, which is not in my usual repertoire. I am just in a frump.

Last night I laid on C’s chest in bed and cried, not a bawling cry, but a long, slow cry…I don’t know why really. I mean I know it is all of this, but don’t know really why I started or why it just hit me.

On a bright note, Saturday we are going out for a very nice dinner with Fab. I decided that I didn’t want a party or a lot of attention, just good food with close people. Only thing that would make it better is if Miss C could be there, but she lives in AZ. (Oh, and my family, but that would be a dream world where they had actually met C and accepted her.)

Happy Birthday To Me

11:43 a.m. - 2007-04-04

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